7.12.09

Un segurata poco seguro

La pasada semana se me ocurrió dar una vuelta por uno de los establecimientos que la cadena alemana de supermercados Müller (vendría a ser Pérez, en España) tiene abiertos en Mallorca. No destaca por ser económica, pero sí por ofrecer productos importados que no se encuentran en comercios españoles, básicamente de alimentación. Cómo adicto al chocolate, el que proviene de la semilla del cacao, suelo aprovisionarme de ambrosías germanas diversas.

muller


La cuestión es que el día de autos, me interné en el susodicho local y comencé a escudriñar los estantes de chocolatinas. No tardé en percatarme de que al extremo del pasillo había una mole que con poco disimulo observaba mi persona, no mis movimientos ya que estos eran nulos. No me gusta que me espíen y menos que se analicen todos mis actos como si de un delincuente se tratara. Como estaba de buen humor, cosa que no era óbice para estar cabreado, pensé: “¿Quieres jugar? Pues vamos a jugar”. Me puse a ir de pasillo en pasillo toqueteando todo lo que tenía a mi alcance, cosa que sé le ponía nervioso al gorila de mangas cortas arremangadas (hay que ser hortera). Por supuesto, el individuo me seguía creyendo que yo no me daba cuenta. En el Corte Inglés, por lo menos, son más profesionales, y apenas te das cuenta de que te están observando.

pasillo_muller


Llegado al fondo del local pensé en que era hora de volver a la casilla de salida y recomenzar la “partida”. Dicho y hecho. Con paso algo acelerado, me fui hasta el primer pasillo dejando al maromo sólo en el último pasillo. Sin “cortarme un pelo”, me quedé inmóvil, ahí, quieto, mirando al pájaro en la distancia, como el torero que espera al morlaco a la salida de los toriles. El observador pasaba a ser el observado. Como mal guardia de seguridad que era, volvió a acercarse hasta mi persona, pero lógicamente, no había motivo para interpelarme. Pensé por un momento dejar la cesta repleta allí en medio y largarme tan pancho con las manos en los bolsillos, y que los empleados se encargaran de recolocarlo todo, dándole las gracias a su inepto compañero. Sin embargo la gula pudo conmigo, y opté con seguir mareando la perdiz.

logo_muller


Llegado de nuevo a mi altura, el pavo se quedo ahí, intentando disimular su mal trabajo. Yo estaba quieto, sin preocuparme por la mercancía que se ofrecía en el local, ahí como una estatua, en plan autista, pero eso sí, echándole miradas acusadoras al uniformado, que bajaba la cabeza con veía que era observado. A modo de despedida, y para que quedara patente que su labor de guardián era penosa, cuando me observaba furtivamente, lo miraba y echaba una risita para avergonzarle. Cansado ya, efectué mi última maniobra. Me precipité rápidamente, como si me fuera sin pagar y me detuve en la caja, saludé amablemente a la cajera, saqué de la cartera varios billetes y pagué. Me di la vuelta y el mono ya se había esfumado. Menudo payaso el “segurata” del Múller de Porto Pí Centro en Palma de Mallorca.

73 comentarios:

Jesús dijo...

Hola Herr:
Creo que se te ha olvidado contarnos que pintas llevabas cuando fuiste al centro comercial. “El detalle es importante”, ya que si ibas como en alguna de las fotos que has publicado de tus viajes, es decir: ¡sin afeitar, con una impúdica camiseta de Pattaya y en pantalón corto luciendo canillas!. No es de extrañar que el guardia de seguridad te controlara como un halcón a una comadreja.
¡Verás, mi tío, cuando salió del sanatorio, tenía mejor pinta que tu, en alguna de tus fotos!.

HerrPeter dijo...

No lo recuerdo muy bien, pero muy mala pinta no llevaba creo yo. Sino habría sido consciente de lo que sucedía, de todas formas hasta a los más desaliñados se les vigila con cierto disimulo, jeje.

segurata-muller dijo...

joder peter haberme avisado que eras..tu..
perdona pero es que ya sabes hay mucho chorizo suelto por porto pi

iu dijo...

esto pasa a veces, me pasó también en un mercadona, y da bastante por el culo. Reconozco que hice algo parecido y también me puse a jugar con el tonto del haba del guardia.

dbqb dijo...

Pues vaya historia mas insulsa! Yo que leí hasta el final pensando en que le "levantarias" algo...

A eso le llamas tu JUGAR?....Criatura

joan carles dijo...

Paolo, por favor, sigue con el blog, ya me he vuelto un adicto !!! ja ja , el puto segurata...

the-oness dijo...

Pues . . . que quieres?? Desahogas una vida de frustraciones en un segurata? o que? me parece la mayor tonteria que he leido en sglos, aparentas sugerir un grado superior al de ese hombre que esta haciendo su trabajo con mayor o menor eficacia ( seguro que tu tambien cometes fallos en lo tuyo , el mejor no seras , o no tendrias este blog) y que por muy mal que a ti te siente su vigilancia todavia no te ha faltado al respeto , y mas aun , no te lo ha faltado tampoco al yegar a su casa desde internet. que quieres? una medalla, machote? que soberbia idiotez , la simple idea de tu estupido juego con el segurata me parece irrisoria, que un hombre que se supone hecho , haga estas chorradas, las divulgue en un blog personal y consiga adeptos con tamaños alerdes de valor.......... Como se dice por mi tierra ... '' ami me parece que te falta un martillazo''.

HerrPeter dijo...

Hombre, supungo que si no eres "segurata", algunos tendrás entres tus amigos o familiares, porque esta defensa tan enconada así lo hace entrever. la eficacia de ese hombre es más bien menor que mayor, y sí me falta al respeto al seguirme como si fuera a robar algo. Tu siguiente frase no la entiendo (al margen del error gramatical) "no te lo ha faltado tampoco al yegar a su casa desde internet". Respecto a las chorradas, hago ésta y más, porque me da la realísima gana y puedo.
Como se dice en mi tierra: " a mí me parece que te falta volver a la escuela para distinguir la LL de la Y, poner acentos gráficos, no confundir nombres con adjetivos ("soberbia idiotez"), e inventar palabras como "alerdes"
Por otra parte, gracias por haberme leído.

marrano dijo...

viejo peter,
a ver si un dia vamos a algun prostibulo a joder putas.

HerrPeter dijo...

Vente a Bangkok, y yo lo organizo todo.

asturconis dijo...

yo soy vigilante y me jode que llamen vigilate a calquier imigrate que pongan a controlar solo por que sale mas barato .
punto numero 1 los vigilantes avisan por radio a camaras y son ellos los que vigilan y se antgicipan a la ruta del sopechoso para colocarse en puntos ciegos de la camaras y no van como perritos falderos si graban al gun delito se colocan en la salida para intercetar la salida es asi como actuan la seguridad privada

HerrPeter dijo...

Efectivamente, así debería ser, y es en muchos lugares. Pero en el caso de Müller, poner a un tío con mangas cortas arremangadas y mascando chicle, dice muy poco de la empresa

Cliente X dijo...

Ya me extrañaba a mí que nadie hubiese dicho lo de las cámaras, tuve que esperar al penúltimo comentario. La seguridad privada varía mucho de un sitio a otro, sin ir más lejos tengo un "amigo" ;-) que es dado a robar comida en el carrefour y el corte inglés (en su descargo he de decir que es por una cuestión de principios, no por no pagar el valor del producto sino el IVA) y no le han pillado jamás de los jamases.

Seguramente mi amigo hubiese actuado como ud, Herr Peter, vacilándole a base de bien al guardia. Muchos polis saben oler a los cacos a leguas porque han sido cocineros antes que frailes... un colega que tengo en la guardia civil era el que abastecía de chocolate (del otro) a toda la facultad, jajaja.

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Portable solar-powered charging devices aren't necessarily new; however, modern varieties are far more powerful than older models. For example, these days you can harness the sun's power to recharge RV batteries in just a couple of hours. What's more, devices, such as Goal Zero powering packs, allow campers to quickly and easily recharge smartphones, tablets, and laptop computers. Nowadays, if you can charge it using a wall outlet; you can charge it using portable solar power kits. This is especially beneficial for outdoor enthusiasts who need to entertain children, who may be too obsessed with modern technology to enjoy the outdoors.

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First, let us look at durability. Being able to count on a table and chair to stand strong is very important. You don't want these items to be flimsy. The chair shouldn't buckle when it is sat in and the table should be able to stand up when something is placed on it short term or long term. The framework should be sturdy, the hinges should be strong and the fabric for the seat should be heavy to stand up to the wear and tear. The fold up tables and chairs may cost a little more but if they last longer and don't need to be replaced as often then the extra expense is worth it. When you are looking to buy a table or chair durability would be the most important thing to look at. The more durable an item is the less money you will have to invest in the long run.Second, let us look at versatility. The chair should be versatile enough to handle whatever type of person is sitting in it. That way you can buy a single type of chair instead many different types. The table must be available for many types of uses. Some people will just use them for setting their drink on, others will use them to eat an entire meal on them like a television tray.The third thing to think about is ease of portability and storage. All tables and chairs should be lightweight and easy to carry. They should be able to be broken down easily and stored easily. The easier they are to break down and store the longer that you can stay in the outdoors enjoying them. When you are ready to purchase your fold up table and chair remember what you need to look for: durability, versatility and ease of portability and storage. If you look for these qualities in a fold up table and chair then you can't go wrong. In turn this will ease your mind and allow you to relax and enjoy your outdoor experience.Find Quality Paintball Gun Packages and Supplies That Meet Your Unique Needs

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The Frenzy has a "tri-hull" design. The "tri-hull" pertains to the presence of a keel under the center and sponsons, shoulders, along the edges. Imagine two outriggers brought in so close that they overlap the hull. These sponsons give the Frenzy great stability. The buoyancy of the sponsons fights any attempt to turn the kayak over.You paddle the Frenzy with the conventional double-bladed kayak paddle. Some kayaks are made to have a sail. Some are made to be powered by peddles, and some, by motors. The Frenzy has no provision for these options.The conclusion of this Ocean Kayak Frenzy review is that when you are interested in fishing, travelling or major white water kayaking, the Frenzy kayak is not the best kayak for you, but if it is recreation you are after, it's a different story. Given its constraints, the Frenzy is a great kayak for warm-weather fun in the surf, on ponds, or in class 1 or 2 white water.Safe Outdoor Sports And Playgrounds For Kids

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Basketball, badminton and tennis are sports activities for those who are active and can move around a larger court area unimpeded. These sports are fun, but require a court on which to play. Prince don't require the amount of space required by many other active sports. This doesn't make ping pong, also called table tennis, a less active sport, but it does mean table tennis can be played in a much more confined area.The game of ping pong uses a flat board surface, a net stretched across the middle and paddles for a game with two or four players. The ball, which is small, lightweight and hollow, is allowed to only bounce once before players use their paddles to return the ball to the opposing side. A round of play continues until a player is unable to return the ball or the ball is allowed to bounce more than once before a return is possible. The team who served the ball gets a score and play continues.Table tennis can be fast and furious and require exertion, especially for those playing in a ping pong competition. However, it can also be played on a more leisurely level by those limited by disabilities or age.Table tennis can be played for fun among family and friends with a table in the family room or even set up in the garage. But table tennis is not limited to an evening with friends and family or played simply for fun.The Prince company makes Prince ping pong tables, Prince ping pong nets and Prince ping pong paddles for regulation sports and tournament play. In fact, table tennis has been an Olympic sport since 1988 with several categories represented, including women's and men's singles as well as team events.Ping pong has been played in one form or another since the 1880s. Ping pong, also called "wiff-waff" at the time, was played by the British upper classes as a parlour game for an after dinner activity. When the game became popular, manufacturers began selling equipment for the game commercially.Prince has become a premier name in sports equipment that includes Prince table tennis nets, tables, paddles and balls of professional quality suitable for either the family room or competitive play. Table tops may be purchased in blue as well as the more common green color. Tables are also available for outdoor use, adding fun to family picnics.Ping pong tables are built of sturdy material with crossed steel brackets to hold the legs in place. The tables can be easily assembled in a short amount of time and come equipped with a wheeled base, making moving the ping pong tables from one place to another simpler.Solid construction, value for the price from a company known for the manufacture of sports equipment makes Prince table tennis products a positive addition to a home, school or gym. Review of the Frenzy Kayak

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